Forgive me if this story isn't coherent and/or well written. I didn't go to bed at all the night this story occurred, then went straight to softball and out later in the evening.So Friday night I crushed some pitchers while bowling and went out afterward. Got home at like five in the morning. With an 8am softball game Sunday morning, I really didn't plan on going out Saturday night. But after sitting in my basement for a good fourteen hours straight, needing to get out of the house desperado, I penciled myself in for a last minute spot start.
I met up with the Croatian Sensation, the Cheeseburglar and Bullet in New Jersey for some random's birthday party at a bar. While at this party I met some broad who went to college with me. Never heard of her, met her or saw her at school. We'll call her the Shadow.
After about fifteen minutes of trash talking my nemesis and the two of us bonding over it, it was clear that she was laughing at all of my terrible jokes and was getting very drunk. The two foremost things I look for in a girl. Now I felt I might be able to capitalize on the situation but had no idea just how quickly.
This next little tidbit might seem very random but keep in mind it ties in to not only the story in a little bit, but also the title. At one point, when the Shadow was talking to the Burglar and Bullet, CS points out the fact that her arms are hairier than both of ours....probably combined. I tell him that given my track record, that obviously wouldn't bother me.
After several more drinks and some other bullshit, we decide to walk down the block to another bar. While at said bar, CS receives a text from the Shadow claiming she wants to make out with me. Of course she does. She has a vagina, doesn't she? I know what you're thinking at this point...let's hope so.
So she comes to join us at the new bar. She's smashed. Shortly after CS and the Cheeseburglar leave, I tell the Shadow I'm leaving and that I'll walk her to her friend's place. We get to the corner outside and she tells me that she doesn't want me walking too far and that she'll be fine. Awesome. I didn't want to walk her home anyway. That was simply a ploy to pretend to be a decent guy, thus getting me laid further down the line. But she won't leave. I can tell she's dragging this goodbye out as long as possible because she wants my piece.
Shadow: "Sooooo......"
Me: "So I guess this is where we make out."
We proceed to make out on the street corner for a good fifteen to twenty minutes. Now I hate being that douchey asshole, Johnny Make Out Sesh, but sometimes it's just gotta be done to lock up some serious tail for the future.
During this sesh, she continues to jokingly ask me if I really live as far as I do, clearly upset at the fact. She probably only asked me 30 times. Obviously, due to her desperation, she wants this to go further. I invite her back to CS and Beemer's apartment. She jumped on the invitation like a black dude dunking.
We get up to their apartment. Once CS goes into his room, we start the making out and heavy petting. I take her clothes off, then my own. Now the Shadow isn't terrible looking but she is chunky. She also does have diesel tits. Usually chicks with her body type have saggy and/or flapjack boobies, but hers were solid. As I do what I do, I start to slip my fingers downstairs and play with her. She throws a flag....offsides. Are you fucking kidding me? Why even come back with me if you're not even going to let me fingerblast you. This has gotten disaster written all over it.
As we're fondling each other and kissing, I keep persisting with the finger fucking. Finally she gives in. Things are looking up. But once again, she stops it after a few minutes. We continue this little dance for a good half hour. For some reason she can't decide if she should be doing this. We all know the answer is 'no' but we also know where this is going. Finally she stops the charade and surrenders her puss to my hand. She's going buck wild.
Shadow: "OMG. Who are you and where did you come from?"
Okay, I may be getting you off with my alien like fingers but you're making it sound like I'm some mythical creature from a far away land or something. I ignore this idiotic sentence and continue my business. Yet two minutes later.....
Shadow: "Who are you? Where did you come from?"
Relax, sweetheart. I chuckle out loud and picture myself magically appearing from a mysterious lamp and telling her that I'll grant her three wishes. God forbid she say something cool like, 'Wow I'm going to cum really hard', or something like that. Is that too much to ask for?
After fingerblasting the Shadow for a long time, she starts to suck my throbbing cock. It wasn't the best blowie, but who am I to complain about a mouth pumping. I tell her that we should have sex. She tells me that she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea about her.
WHAT?!?
It's four in the morning, I've known you for five hours and my penis is in your mouth! I've already got the wrong idea about you. We all know how I feel about this topic and I'll resort to my 'go to' theory......would your father rather see my cock in your mouth or your vagina? I always feel it's gotta be the puss. One day I'm going to write a book about this topic.
So after fucking her face for a while, I blast in her mouth. Very large blast.
Now here's the weird part that I skimmed over earlier. While we were making out and I was fingering her, my face brushed against her chin. The chick had a fucking five o'clock shadow! Not fucking kidding. I felt stubble on her chin! I know you're probably sitting there reading this and not believing me. I FUCKING SHIT YOU NOT. Does she fucking shave or something?!? The amount of time she spent jerking me off and blowing me probably totaled over an hour. Normally this wouldn't be the case but the whole time I just kept picturing her lathering up her face with some shaving cream and going to work on it. I flashed back to CS pointing out her hair arms. I cringed. This girl must shave. I've never felt anything like this on a broad before.
So the Shadow gets up to go to the bathroom. When she comes back she's sniffling a lot. I can't tell if she got a runny nose or if she's crying over the fact that she just blew me. I'm guessing it was the oral.
Come 5:30, I start to go into stealth mode and try to slip all my clothes on while not waking her. Doesn't work. She wakes. She starts to get dressed. I reluctantly kiss her and tell her that I have to take off. She doesn't say anything.
As I'm walking to the train I ponder the fact that I just got sucked off by a girl who can grow a better mustache than I can.
