The Comeback

Greetings, friends. After an eight month relationship I have returned. Much like when Michael Jordan dropped 55 points at the Garden after his first retirement, I picked things up pretty quickly.

Hit the hoops tourney at MSG with some of the boys Friday night. This was a nice little warm up for the evening, as we were headed to Toy's birthday party afterward. Actually, it was a joint birthday party with his girlfriend.

As soon as I walk into the room I immediately introduce myself to two randoms and start dropping game. One is eating it up. She's average. The other is snippy and doesn't get any of my jokes. Such a bitch. I move on because the bitch will surely cock block me.

So AT and I are playing Beirut and he and Hack start talking to a girl who's basically wearing a napkin for a dress. The thing pretty much covers her pussy and stops. I step over and jump into the conversation with a dirty joke. Cannot remember what I said. She tells me that I'm dirty. I step back to the table and brush her off.

I sporadically walk over to her and make more dirty jokes to her. She tells me that I'm dirty and that she likes it because she's dirty too. Well, that turned out to be the understatement of the century, but we'll get to that in a bit.

So her and her fat friend are up next to play Beirut. Thinking on my feet, I befriend the beefy friend. I tell this Jew (did I leave that out?) that she's cut and that I'm playing with her friend. I totally pour it on. I'm high-fiving the friend after I hit a cup. She sinks one and I'm picking her up, which was no small feat. I figure that once this broad falls in love with me, it's as good as gold with the other.

Finish the game. So I go up to the bar and sit next to the Jew. Ten minutes later we're making out in front of anyone. Ugh, I hate being that guy. It's like investing in your 401k. You hate seeing that money taken out of your paycheck but deep down you know it's the right thing and will pay off in the long run. Boy will it ever.

The following exchange takes place:

Jew: "All my friends are going home but I really want to stay out and party."
Me: "Well my cousin just texted me. Her and her boyfriend are at some party at a karaoke bar. You wanna go?"
Jew: "Yeah, that would be awesome. I would totally be down."

This is going to be easier than I thought.

We cab it down to the thirties. During said cab ride we start making out. We get to the place and start walking up a long staircase to get up to it. I pull her skirt up. No panties. Hmmm. My cousin greets us at the bar and we head back to the private room.

My cousin's boyfriend wants me to do a song. He gives me the book to pick one out. As the book sits on my lap, the Jew slides her hand underneath and starts playing with my cock. He keeps bugging me to do a song. I keep telling him that I'm looking for one. Finally I tell her that I need to go to the bathroom and that she should come with me. No hesitation.

We walk down this narrow, sketchy hallway to the john. I open the door and survey the scene. Empty. She scurries in behind me and we get in the stall. She drops to her knees and starts unzipping my fly. She pulls my johnson out and starts going to town. Real professional. So I'm not sure if she's going to want to swallow so I give her warning when I'm about to blast. She takes it in her mouth. I don't know if it caught her off guard or just because I shot a boatload, but it's coming out of her mouth. She pulls my rod out and the last few spurts land on her tits and sweater.

She starts wiping the cum off of her tits and sweater. As she's wiping it, she's putting it in her mouth! At this point it's a little horrifying. Not only did this girl just suck me off in the bathroom of a karaoke bar at 4:30 in the morning, but she doesn't want to waste any of my semen and is ushering it into her mouth!!!

We get back in the room. I'm basking in the glory of what just happened. I sing a song and we eventually wrap it up.

Jew: "Do you want to come home with me?"
Me: "Yes, yes I do."
Jew: "I live with my grandpa. Is that alright?"
Me: "Yeah, no worries."
Jew: "Wow. Most guys aren't cool with that."
Me: "No big deal."

I live with my freaking parents. At least your roommate will probably be dead by next week and you'll have the place to yourself.

She tells me that the next train to her town is at 5:30am. Is this girl kidding me? Pappy's going to be waking up to watch Golden Girls reruns by the time we stroll in. I tell her that I'm getting us a cab. I hail a cab. The Paki wanted $85 but I negotiated it down to $70.

We're making out in the cab. Next thing I know she starts fingering herself. I take the hint, hike the mini skirt up and start blasting away. She's going buck wild. I unzip my pants and take my penis out. She takes the whole thing. This made it the quickest cab I've ever taken from Manhattan. We arrive. I'm bamboozled at this point and tip this knob job five bucks. Whatever. He just got a great show so fuck him if he's not happy.

We get to Pappy's condo. Sneak in, get up to her room, which is right next door to Pappy's and fuck. It was solid. Nice performance. Black out.

Next thing I know it's morning and I have to piss like a race horse. The vodka/sodas I was crushing all night have finally hit me. This is not good. I'm going to piss the bed momentarily. I have to act. I crack the door open. No sign of Pappy. Sprint to the bathroom. I come out and I hear him mulling around downstairs. Fuck. Spring back to the room. I get in bed and pass back out.

I wake up shortly thereafter to the Jew playing with my cock. I open my eyes and she starts blowing me again. Nice. She asks me if I have another condom. I throw it on and she gets on top of me.

She's riding me but I'm sort of disinterested in the whole thing. I'm am still drunk, my head is pounding and I don't know if Matlock is going to bust through the door at any moment. These factors made for a great performance.

As she's riding me I notice that she's grabbing her ass. I'm sitting there wondering why the fuck she's holding it. For a second I think that she's conscious about it or something. Not sure why. It's pretty nice. The girl's body was diesel, now that I think about it. So I turn her around so she's now riding me reverse cowgirl and I discover what's been going on the whole time.

THIS CHICK WAS FINGERBLASTING HER ASSHOLE!

I perk up like a startled deer. I am into this. She had her middle finger knuckle deep!

She tells me that she's going to cum and soon after does. She then asks me if I'll cum in her mouth. Seriously? Do you really have to ask? I tell her "of course" and she slides the rubber off and starts deep throating my piece. I finally fire off a shot. Low volume and very weak pump action. She then tells me that we better get going because Pappy was probably out but would be home soon.

She drives me home. As we pull up to my house I ponder how to play this. I decide that I'll tell her that if she wants my number she can get it from Toy. Toy obviously doesn't have my number.

Me: "Umm...thanks for the ride. Uh, if you want my number you can..."
Jew: "Yeah, totally. What is it?"

Fuck.

I give her the number and start to get out of the car.

I say my goodbye.

Jew: "It was nice meeting you....and everything else!"

Ugh, what a skank. I close the door as the word "and" was leaving her lips. I stroll through the door and my father asks me who that was. As I walk up the stairs I tell him that I don't know.