Again, I proceed to get lazier and lazier with this blog, but oh well. Maybe as the weather warms up so will my creativity. I am not working today, but have been furiously been trying to catch up on thesis work – maybe that’s why I haven’t posted, but it’s probably just because I have been ultra-lazy. However, Panera to the rescue. Yes – Panera, that wonderful hybrid of Starbucks and a high-class deli. It is essentially my library because the recliner, DVD player, dartboard and flat screen in my apartment absolutely ruin any chance I have of doing any real school work.
So I get to Panera about 11:30 this morning to get a good start in cranking out a couple more pages so I don‘t fail out of grad school (although at this point I think they would just pass me to get me out of their school). Now sitting in a Starbucks or any other coffee-type place is like a battle specifically in seating – it’s like a high school cafeteria. Let me elaborate:
Window Seats – for the ultra social people who come with books and newspapers, but really want to talk to everyone.
“Outlet” Seats – the most coveted seats for those working on laptops with no real battery charge and need an outlet. Finding one of these seats is like uncovering a hidden bottle of Grey Goose at the back of your freezer. Hell, people even go so far as to stalk people as they are packing up to leave. In my cruel ways, I frequently fake packing up just to fuck with these people. This will most likely come back to bite me in the ass one day.
Comfy Seats – each coffee place has 3 or 4 chairs that are the most comfortable thing in the world. Even if you went to the trendiest furniture store you wouldn’t be able to get the cushiness of these couches because they have been worn in by thousands of coffee drinkers. These bastions of backrest are usually snatched up by “trendy” people who are reading post-modern novels in another language because reading Jean-Paul Sarte at a table is an insult to the French intellectual movement of the 1880’s – duh!
Back Back Seats – tucked all the way in the bowels of the coffee shop, it is like a morgue back where these seats are. They are essentially the Upper Deck of the coffee shop without the drunk fireman yelling for D. Wright to hit a home run. People back here are writing long papers or on a strict deadline for work. You talk on your phone or even get a text message and you will get the evil eye and possibly spear tackled (which I would pay to see).
Counter Seats – the last option of seats. Everything else is taken up and there are only two tables left next to the counter and right between the Kenyan coffee bean sale and the remnant Christmas crap they are trying to unload on you. Even with your iPod blaring some classic Hendrix, there is no way you will be able to block out the “baristas” shouting their orders – triple, non-fat, light-foam, skinny, mocha espresso – What???? Nobody can last in this seat for more than 15 minutes are you will eventually feel the need to get up and yell – “Just order a large goddamn coffee!”
As a side note, or post-script, this is the first time I am in a coffee shop during the day and during the week. My traditional cohorts of students and corporate junkies are at work or in class. I thought the coffee shop would be empty and I would be able to pump out some pages. Not a chance in hell. I have discovered a world I had all but forgotten about – moms and kids. I am not exaggerating one bit by saying I see 11 strollers and upwards of 25 kids running around Panera right now. And when the hell did strollers get all pimped out? I swear some of these strollers are nicer than my last car – I am convinced one of them may actually have a plasma TV in it and possibly a Wii. Moms and kids (not old enough to be in school) rule the coffee shops during the week it seems. They team up to eat lunch in groups, but even acknowledge other groups of Moms with a simple, very guy-like nod of approval – the kind when you see a guy take a hot girl out of a bar. The one benefit – MILF mania. These moms are definitely taking good care of themselves these days…and I contemplate the career of a male nanny or Manny.
OK – back to work…
Brrr….Beer
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