Ok folks, I have wrapped up my Master’s thesis or at least wrote enough for them to let me graduate. In summary, and thanks to Microsoft Word counter, I wrote in the neighborhood of 65 pages and over 14,000 words. Yet not one line of that monstrosity contains the creativity and sheer joy of blogging. Without further ado, back to it…
So for most of you, the weather has warmed up in the last week or two. Spring is here, although a bit late and as schizo as Britney Spears – its here. And with spring come two great seasonal changes. Bar patios and skin. Let me elaborate as always…
Winter can be a bitch some years. This particular year’s had to be one of the shittiest winters on date. Not because we had a lot of snow. This winter lasted from November until the first weeks of April. It was cold, miserable and cloudy. As a polar bear you would expect I love the cold weather – and I do. But this winter was a giant tease – more so than Becky who wouldn’t put out on prom night despite the Banker’s club you were slipping in her drinks all night long (ohhh!). This winter, it only got really cold for a few days. You know the days when your nuts freeze off if you are outside for more than 5 minutes. I love that in the winter. The other part of winter that makes it great is snow. If you don’t like snow then you are fucking diabolical and I will have my friends the Penguins take care of you. We have like 3 days of snow this year and no real big snow storm. But I digress…
Mother Nature has finally won the battle and freed us from the grips of that cranky old bastard – Father winter. And with the warm, chocolate-cookie type embrace of Mother Nature and spring comes warm weather. All it takes is that one Thursday or Friday where the sun is blazing in the sky and the temperature rock climbs up the thermometer higher than Stallone in Cliff Hanger (great movie). With this first unofficial day of spring all those working men and women in their 20’s go diving into their closets for the long-forgotten spring wear. For men this equals golf shirts and khakis – maybe linen pants for those ultra trendy guys. But who cares about them. This blog makes it a point to objectify women at least once per blog. As my fashion knowledge is limited to jeans and t-shirts I don’t know what the hell the names are of the spring clothes that women wear, but their awesomeness should be lauded.
After a long winter of sweaters, funky pants and long skirts there is a glorious reemergence of breasts and legs. Its like they fought hard, avoided getting shanked in the shower, bribed the parole board and have broken out of prison. And their release could not signal spring any better. Its like women forgot they had breasts and nice legs which get them things in life. It I had those abilities I would dress skimpy all year long. Either way, the increased skimpiness of women due to skirts, halter tops and any other piece of clothing that uses the same amount of cloth as a dish towel is f’ing great. This shift in fashion makes every man happier. Even though 99.8% of the guys won’t have a chance with these women, they know that the regular stream of eye candy is back and they have gotten their golden ticket back to the Willy Wonka factory.
Just figured I would share some favorite examples to the women out there:
- Anything that shows cleavage – that’s a no brainer
- Skirts – don’t you want to show off your legs?
- Jean shorts – you instantly get idolized a Daisy Duke
- Halter tops – its hilarious that you insist on wearing these because you have to readjust yourself every 10.2 seconds. Guys don’t wear pants that restrict our “boys” do we?
- The ultimate trifecta – stiletto heels, short skirt, and a halter top
Part II – Bar patios – coming tomorrow because Sportscenter is on
Brr….beer
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