So lets get back to the bachelor series. What was once a vision of grandeur – ie: a series on the typical life of a bachelor has resulted in only one post – ie: the bachelor six pack of eats. Today’s challenge – the bachelor wardrobe:
One caveat before we get started. I am not stylish in the least bit. Never have I admitted to being stylish either. But on the whole, I don’t think many bachelors claim to be. So lets go over a typical week on bachelor wardrobe:
Monday morning – crawl out of whatever you sleep in. This could be scrubs, old lacrosse shorts, a 20 year old t-shirt or commando. I really hope the commando crowd washes there sheets a lot. Now its time to mosey on over to the closet. Gotta go to work and not look like and ass. Pants – check. Shirt – check. Do they match? No? Now repeat that process like 5 times and you have a real outfit. Since its Monday you have all of your top shirts back from the dry cleaner. You look snazzy….until your sleeves are rolled up 15 minutes into the workday
Monday night – get home. Your shirt is most likely wrinkled and gets tossed into the magical dry cleaner pile. Bachelors just don’t wash their shirts – its like us actually caring about the Sex & the City movie coming up. Pants are way more expensive to dry clean so you use criteria to judge them. No blatant discolorations or stains or funky odors and you are good to go. Let’s also say you exercise on a daily basis (in a dream world) you toss on some gym clothes and off you go.
Repeat this process Tuesday and Wednesday and you don’t have anything too exciting.
Thursday – yea that’s right. You saved your one “cool” or “stylish” shirt because its happy hour time after work. The hot new girl in marketing is really going to notice you in your awesome shirt when you are packed into a bar with 80 other dudes wearing the same shirt. Either way you wear it, it gets spilled on, and the dry cleaner has to give the special cleaning.
Friday – casual Friday at work means jeans and a dress shirt or polo. If you don’t work at a place that has casual Friday then your job sucks, you need to quit and find something cool to do like lifeguarding. On Friday, I adopt the Zach Morris (Saved by the Bell for you dopes living under a rock) code of dressing, mixed in with a little Don Johnson from Miami Vice. Nice jeans, dress shirt and a blazer. If it’s the spring or summer you sub in a polo in some pastel type color. Now that’s as stylish as I get.
Friday night – if you are a real booze hound you go out straight from work and can pull off the Zach Morris look and translate it into going out clothes. If not, you will look like a jackass wearing a suite and tie at a tiki bar at 1:00AM on a Friday. Now Friday night and Saturday night are essentially the same going out process that is drastically different from when girls get ready. Lets say you are meeting a group at 11:00PM at a bar.
- 8-10:30: watch local sports team and drink some beer
- 10:30: realize you have to go out that night and contemplate getting dressed
- 10:37: you need a beer and might as well get dressed up to go out. You grab whatever jeans are easily within your grasp and make some attempt at style by grabbing a dress shirt to go with it. Dress shirts go well all year long so its easy. Walk out into the living room and unless your roommate friends tell you that you look horrible or some other disparaging remark you are good to go…
- 10:45: slam another beer and head out
- 12:30: girl gives you a complement on your striped shirt which is almost identical to half the shirts other guys are wearing in the bar…she must really want to sleep with you…oh yea
Saturday day – wake up, possibly hungover, and really hungry. This is where guys really differentiate themselves. You are going to bum around for a while, the clothing choice here is crucial. It can be trackpants, shorts or scrubs, but always a hoodie or old-tshirt.
Sunday day – same as Saturday, unless its football season and then you gear up for the game.
Week is over and you repeat the cycle. After re-reading this post, I found it as amusing as having 4 wisdom teeth pulled, but then realized this was educational for you the reader and me as well. Writing this down shows how little the average bachelor actually thinks about what they wear during the week. There are obvious exceptions to the rule, but we are nowhere near as OCD as women, but women also have all sorts of clothes that I don’t get.
Finally – jeans and a t-shirt rock – that’s all. Stay tuned for a riveting blog about penguins…
Brrrr….Beer
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