So it’s a huge week. First week of no school…like I am done forever. But more importantly Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skill comes out. Now its very rarely that I get excited for a movies and plan to see it a couple of weeks in advance, but Indiana Jones was basically my boyhood idol and still is. So here I am excited for the movie release. They are running marathons non-stop on all of the cable channels. Suddenly when I got home from work today I realized I hadn’t seen the first movie – Raiders of the Lost Ark – in something like 10 years. Therefore I threw it in the DVD player and here we are. Indy just escaped the giant rolling rock and is dodging arrows from natives.
It got me thinking (and by me I mean someone else proposed this). Who is better Indiana Jones or James Bond? I think they are both some of the most badass guys I know, but here goes the 11 round battle royale...
Clothing
Bond: Tuxedos, sharp and sleek and always perfectly fit
Indy: Worn down pants and cargo shirt, leather whip, revolver, leather jacket and the trademark Fedora hat
Winner: Although tuxes are great, nothing ever tops Indy's get-up
Fighting Ability
Bond: Knows how to fight in every manner it seems from karate to ass whooping
Indy: King of the good old fashion right hook
Winner: Bond does it all on the fighting front and takes this round
Weapon of Choice
Bond: Walther PPK-7 with silencer
Indy: Whip and revolver
Winner: Anyone can fire a gun, but wielding a whip as your only weapon most days? Indy takes this round.
Smarts
Bond: A world traveler and expert in gambling and all classy things
Indy: Professor at a college in CT, with a PhD and an expert archelogist
Winner: Indy's got the super smarts on this one. Hell, Short Round calls him Dr. Jones!
Ladies
Bond: He sleeps with every hot girl both evil and good. It is just amazing how easy it is for him
Indy: He has a main squeeze in each of the three movies
Winner: Bond takes this one by a mile - the notches on his belt are more numerous and hotter
Gadgets
Bond: Cars that shoot fly, motorcycles that shoot rockets, boats that become submarines. If you can think of it, master gadgeter Q can make it.
Indy: Um, revolver, cars?
Winner: Bond by a 4 miles (which he probably covers in 40 seconds in his nuclear-powered Vespa scooter...hahah)
Villians
Bond: Evil organzizers the world over and also a lot of pissed off Russians
Indy: The Nazis, crazy slave-driver who rips out people's hearts, the Nazis again
Winner: Its a close one, but two separate bouts with the Nazis gives Indy the edge
Humor
Bond: Always has some witty lines stashed away fro his female conquests of vanquished villians
Indy: Brings a gun to a sword fight, laughs at the women he eventually beds, and has jokes ready for everything
Winner: Again its close, and its probably the dry humor of the Brits, but Indy gets it
Theme Songs
Bond: Universally recognized songs and different for each movie
Indy: Dah duh da daaa - everyone knows those first four notes
Winner: Indy by a landslide
Body Count
Bond: Who the hell knows, but he has to kill at least 100 bad guys per movie with every sort of gun, bomb, missle, and sometimes even his own bare hands
Indy: More of a humanitarian and fan of the knockout, his body count is probably only 20 per movie
Winner: Bond by lots of dead bodies
Sidekick
Bond: He travels and works alone because he is sooo good at what he does
Indy: Various minor characters, Short Round, and his Dad (Sean Connery)
Winner: That little tike Short Round puts Indy over the age
By a 7-4 score Indiana Jones emerges triumphant over James Bond. Maybe I am biased because the new Indy movie is coming out next week and may change when Bond's new movie comes out, but I am sticking with Indy on this one
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