Alright so unfortunately I haven't hooked up with any broads in several weeks. I know, it's a little troubling to me too. Most people feel that the worst part about this is that they don't get to hear some crazy story. I think the worst part about this is that I have to self induce my orgasms. Actually that's not the problem, I'd still be doing that anyway. It's that my forearm has to put in double duty.
I almost feel bad about not having a story. I say almost because I'm a self centered asshole who has never felt this thing I hear about called "guilt". So here's what I've decided to do for all of my loyal readers, all six of you......I'm going to shed some light on every day life for you guys, because obviously that's what you need. You need a creep like me to say some of the things that you've been thinking. So here's a few points that I feel need to be made..........
I hate smokers. They're usually assholes when it comes to blowing their smoke in your fucking grill. Do you know who I hate more? I hate douche bags who claim they're allergic to smoke. I was in a cab over the weekend and there was a sticker on the partition that said, "No smoking - driver allergic". Oh, really? You're allergic to toxic smoke that causes lung cancer, emphysema and cardiovascular disease, among other things? That's like someone saying they're allergic to bullets or being stabbed. Fucking assholes. I'm allergic to rancid Middle Eastern body odor that smells like week old cat piss. You don't see me putting stickers up about it.
Why do people make fun of someone when they pick their wedgie? Someone didn't want their underwear riding up their ass and therefore remedied the problem. Wouldn't that make you gay if you did want that shit all up in your crack and didn't pick it? Obviously it's a lot harder to spot someone not picking their wedgie so you wouldn't be able to make fun of them for it as easily. I thought about this when I was on the subway Friday and got a wedgie. I picked it. A girl saw me. At first I panicked. Then I realized that, what the fuck do I care, I'd be a tool if I wanted to walk around like there was something in my ass. Fuck her. Right then and there I mandated it reasonable for all mankind to pick wedgies.
If you're a dude who walks into a bathroom and there's empty urinals but you choose to piss in a stall anyway, the planet immediately should and will believe that you have a tiny penis and that you're a homosexual. Hey, if you have a tiny penis and are a queen or just want to be thought of that way, go for it. But if not, piss like a burly man in the urinal. I witness this all the time and wonder why dudes constantly do this. I even see this done when the urinals have walls for privacy! What are you fucking six years old? You can't tinkle if someone's nearby? No one's gonna look at your tiny dick so I don't know what you're so afraid of.
That's it for now. I'll add on if I think of anything else that I need to comment on or judge. Until then, I'll be hoping to stick my penis into another victim so you don't have to put up with this kind of bullshit.
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