Training Men

So I am riding in the elevator today about 4PM down to the bodega in my building which, despite its ridiculously small size, has ever major food snack I can think of. On my way down in the elevator I am minding my business and reading the news screen they have in each elevator. Yea – we are that high tech in our building. So there I am reading about some political crap about Obama or Clinton and here is the conversation between three mid 20’s women behind me:

Girl #1: [To girl #2] Big plans for the weekend?
Girl #2: Yea we are going to a craft fair and a farmer’s market and then to dinner at my parents. (I kid you not these were her exact words)
Girl #3: Wow, he [the bf] really agreed to that?
Girl #2: Yea, I have him well trained
Girl #1: Yes you do.


Ok – it was a short conversation and before I go into a tirade let me offer a point of clarification. I am a normal mid 20’s run-of-the mill quasi-chauvinist so get ready…

Trained? Seriously, I understand the concept and that women use it in conversation when referring to boyfriends, fiancés and husbands, but I take major issue in this. Now I bet you are going to think that I am going to go off and say that we aren’t dogs and can’t be trained. That’s just bullshit and we all know it. Guys are trained all the time. Women are good at it, mostly because they withhold sex and other fun activities until guys change their behavior. It’s like Pavlovian experiment with a modern twist. [Pavolv was the guy who rang the bell and dogs would salivate because they expected food…] Now to side with the women for a brief instance, I totally agree that all men should be trained at some point. You women help us grow up and learn that there are more things in the world than video games, beer, sports and cheeseburgers. Thank you for that in most instances, but here is my issue. Why can’t we train you???

If it were ever brought up in conversation – “training women” – it would be called sexist. Well how come it isn’t the same for women trying to change men. It’s a goddamn double standard. But let me use a little example to further clarify my point:

So Girl #2 has trained her bf mentioned above to attend a craft fair, farmer’s market and dinner with her parents. I am going to go out on a limb and say this bf will not enjoy this, unless her parents celebrities or bar owners. Regardless, the bf goes on this day of no-fun because he probably is very fond of his gf and she has “trained” him. Ok – still with me? Lets switch it around. It’s one week later, and the gf/bf’s apartment is now full of fresh fruits and vegetables (farmer’s market) and weird midget Swedish dolls (craft fair). It’s a big sports day and the bf wants to go to a baseball game and then hit up the bar with his friends later on to make a night of it. Because he is probably in a serious relationship, he wants his gf to come along. She squirms and pleads and makes a big deal of it, not wanting to sit through a boring baseball game or go out and pound beers at a place that isn’t a lounge. The guy has tried, by women’s standard to “train” his gf but she uses every excuse in the book [possible even ‘that time of the month’] to get out of it. It just ain’t fair.

So there we have it – women are far more resistant to “training” than men because they can always say no to sex, and thus they can control men. It just not that fair that our libidos are always going and we have no will power. Men aren’t [the majority of the time] asking women to go to a strip club, just a night out or to watch a football game. A little concession would be nice now and then..
Disclaimer part II: If you have made it this far you realize I am about as stereotypical as possible. There are always exceptions to the rule and girls who embrace these typical manly activities are awesome because they understand what really motivates men. In other words this tirade of a post was aimed at the majority of women…

Brrr….Beer