My New Friend Ace

Special contributor Looty here. Adding a little story for today. Nothing great, just bizarre.

Setting: Cheesy dive bar in Queens with 50 year old regular that know each other's names and kiss the bartender on the lips goodbye. Note that the two huge flat screens on opposite ends of the bar played the A's/Tigers game and Dancing with the Stars. The entire bar gravitated towards the one playing "Dancing".

Characters: Me, Boo and Ace. Ace is a 52 year old biker. Rocking a bandana, perv mustache and tattoos.

Ace: Jerry Springer should have been cut (in reference to Dancing with the Stars)
Me: Oh yeah?
Ace: What do you do?
Me: I work in treasury
Ace: Federal?
Me: Uh......yeah.
Ace: I pay all my taxes! And my child support!
Me: [fake chuckle] Nah, it's not like that.
Ace: Wait what do you do? You work for the Actor's Guild?
Me: [trying not to bust out laughing] Um no, I work in treasury.
Ace: I always pay my child support. Except one time the check bounced. But I wrote a good one eventually. And then I got a $45 credit on my child support.
Me: Oh ok.
Ace: [Insert drunken gibberish that cannot be deciphered here] never wanted to bring a child into this world. Never got married. Hey how old are you?
Me: Um, I don't know how old do I look? [Why the fuck did I just ask that?]
Ace: I don't give a fuck how old you are. I just wanna know how old you are.
Me: 23
Ace: Damn. I'm 52. That's two and half decades older man. Hold up your right hand. Let me see it.
Me: [I hold my right hand up] Why?
Ace: Because I'm bisexual. [I quickly put my hand down]

A sudden bath of creepiness sweeps over my body. I suddenly feel how
most do after encountering a drunk Looty.

Ace: So are you bisexual.
Me: No
Ace: So you love women?
Me: Yeah
Ace: You got a girlfriend?
Me: No but I've got a girl I hang out with.
Ace: So you just moved here?
Me: Yeah
Ace: Where do you live?
Me: Um......in the neighborhood
Ace: You know someone out here?
Me: What?
Ace: A guy like you, you gotta know someone out here. That's why you moved out here.
Me: Uhhh yeah I know someone
Ace: I knew it!
Boo: A's just hit a homerun

I turn my head to see who hit the homerun and the current score

Ace: Don't ignore me
Me: Uhh I was just checking the score

My phone starts vibrating. It's a text from Boo: Pretend this is a
phone call, say we have to leave

Boo and I quickly depart the bar before Ace can roofie my beer.

End Scene.